Momma: Month 2

I have been a Momma for 2 months now. YAY! I have managed to keep Lily healthy and thriving for 2 whole months. Time has FLOWN by....here are some bullets for ya.

- Lily is sooooooooo beautiful. She smiles all the time. Follows me with her eyes around the room. Smiles real big when she sees my face when she wakes up. She is just a little JOY!

- We went on our first family "vacation" to Biloxi, MS. Actually, Jeff had training at Keesler AFB and Lily and I tagged along. It was nice to get OUT of the house and just relax. The only thing I had to worry about was taking care of Lily. It was devine.

- Our bubble was quickly burst when Jeff got a phone call on our way back.....he is leaving in about three weeks to be gone for three months...yep...he will miss our anniversary, halloween, his birthday, Thanksgiving and maybe Christmas. Back to the middle east. UGH!

- Lily officially hates her car seat...I suspect this has to do with us being in the car so much in Biloxi.

- We now have a loose schedule!!! YAY! The daytime is pretty set...morning nap, afternoon nap, LATE afternoon nap, then bath, boob and bed. Bedtime is still pretty hectic. She still wakes up at around 2am, then again at around 6am....this is fine except she is hard to get settled back down to bed after the 2am feeding....

- We are doing our first family photoshoot this weekend. I am nervous about how I look. I am even MORE nervous about how Lily will act...she is a great baby, but you NEVER know what kind of mood she is going to be in..

- Breastfeeding is still going well. Lily's reflux is still REALLY bad some days...but there are other days where you would NEVER know she even had it...

- She is still eating every 2hrs...She comfort nurses a lot too..but I try to limit that....well, the best I can.

- I am happy with life right now...although I am DEVASTATED about Jeff leaving. Lily and I will make it through.

Cheers,
Kira

Mom - Month One

So, I have been a Mama for a month now and I have a few things to say about what has been going on. You know how I do things... random BULLET STYLE! LOL.

- After the first two weeks, I came down from cloud 9 and reality hit. I am home all day with a baby and I have little to no other human contact.

- Lily has reflux...some days it is mild, some days it is SEVERE. On the days it is severe, I am literally in the house in just my underwear because otherwise I would be changing clothes every hour. I am COVERED in barf on those days. She is on medication now.

- The only thing that has prevented me from having severe postpartem depression is getting out of bed everyday, getting a shower and putting REAL clothes on. That tiny slice of normalicy has saved my sanity.

-It is hard to make anyone understand what it is like being home with the baby all day. Especially, Jeff. He gets home from work and needs 45 mins to just wind down....but when he gets home from work *I* need that adult interaction and I am usually just a flood of useless chatter...I mean really, my day consist of shit and barf...not very riveting, yet I am such an IDIOT I feel compelled to talk about it..because it is the only thing I HAVE to talk about these days. I usually just end up irritating him with my mundane chatter and ruining the evening. I don't. know. How. to fix. This....

-When you are home all day with a crying baby, you don't have the patience in the evening to hear her cry MORE while someone else is learning to soothe her. 12 times out of 20, I know exactly what is wrong with her and can get her to stop crying immediately. This of course is a problem. But to be brutally honest, it is not giving mommy a break if the baby is sitting there crying. It is now second nature for me to want to soothe the baby...

- When the baby cries, I leak breastmilk. I am wet all. day. long. Breastpads are pretty much useless.

- I have a MASSIVE over supply of milk. This is a blessing and a curse.

- I hold the baby. A LOT. This is a problem. To everyone, except me. I think one has to understand that I carried her in my BODY for 9 mos...I KNEW she was ok, I KNEW she was alive. Now that she is out, it is hard for me to let her go.

- My "Mama Bear" instinct is STRONG. It arrived about week 1. NEVER have I felt so protective over ANYTHING in my life. I am literally on EDGE when other folks are holding her.

- I joined a Mommy and Me class. It's pretty corny, but it gets me and Lily out of the house and I can interact with other moms...With that being said, I have very little in common with the other moms in the class.

- I have lost a good amount of baby weight. I attribute it to three things: Breastfeeding, forgetting to eat most days and staying active. With that being said, I have 15-20lb to lose until I feel comfortable with my body again. It has completely changed shape..

- Lily lost all of her newborn hair. I was pretty sad, but she is still SOO beautiful. :-)

-She has green/brown eyes. I adore looking into them.

- Lily has a smile that melts my heart and she does it often.

- She gets lots of attention when we are out and about because she is so TINY!

- I love being Lily's mother.

- I am still waiting for life to balance itself out though.....

Cheers,
Kira

She's Here! - A birth recap

Hi! It has been a while. As you know by now, my baby is HERE! I am going to tell you her birth story in a bullet style manner the best i can remember it.

- July 15: Jeff and I go to the OB to see if I had made any progressed. I had been some contractions on and off that week and I FELT like the baby had dropped. Upon examination, I had not dialated any since my last appointment, but the baby had indeed moved down. I was at 1 cm. The OB was optimistic though, she said I would most likely deliver before or on my due date of that following Thursday, if not, she was going to start an induction that following Saturday.

- July 22: My official due date. At this point I had been having steady false labor for about a week. Good HARD contractions. I knew it was time. This time at the OB office I just KNEW I was dialated and progressing...but again, my doctor checked me and I was still only 1cm. This time though, the baby's head was as far down as it could go, but my body was not letting her go. The doc told me to go ahead and pack my bags, she wanted me to be at the hospital the next day at 4pm. Once there they were going to begin administering a cervical softening gel every 4 hours to try to get me to progress, then on Saturday they were going to start a pitocin drip to induce labor, if I had not progressed enough by then.


(40wks 1day, July23)


-July 23: Jeff and I check into the hospital at 4pm and I am put in the room I requested, low lighting and private. They started IV fluids immediately, took blood for labs and the resident came in to speak to me about what was going to happen. Best case scenerio, they would start the gel and at about the third dose, I would begin to dialate and go into labor on my own and by Saturday afternoon, I would have my baby, pitocin free. Worse case scenerio, I would only progress a little and they would have to give me pitocin and I would have a baby by Saturday evening. I received the first dose of the gel at around 8pm. I would have gotten it earlier, but the resident had to deliever another baby. About an hour after the first dose, I begin to have light contractions. The anesthesiologist came in to talk to me about my pain management options. At first I told them I did not want an epidural or a spinal at all, I wanted to see if I could have a natural birth, but if I needed something I wanted a "walking epidural" which is an epidural that takes the edge off the pain, but enables me to walk during labor and effectively push when the time came. She told me they did not offer it, but I could get a patient controlled epidural, where they would insert a catheter, administer the initial dose and then give me a button, much like a morphine drip and I could have as much or as little medication as I needed. I considered this option.
At midnight the resident comes in to administer the second dose of gel. I had dilated to 4cm at this point! I was so excited. I was progressing! The contractions got more and more intense after the second dose. I was in active labor. A nurse came in and offered me Ambien, to help me rest, a light pain medication, to ease the pain of labor a little bit, and phenegrin to help with nausea. I agreed to the Ambien and the phenegren, BIG MISTAKE.
The mixture of these two medications made me loopy. I did not sleep AT ALL. I would pass out in between contractions. I would have a contraction and was suddenly wide awake, I would get out of bed and lean on Jeff, walk around the room, sway and lean, I tried to use all the methods I had learned in yoga, breathing and doing a low "Om" sound. I COULD. NOT. LAY. OR. SIT. that just made the pain worse. I ended up vomiting too, so much for that phenegrin. Jeff was a rock star through all of this. He was awake every step of the way helping me through every contraction, at one point he all but carried me to the bathroom, I had to pee after each contraction.

- July 24: At around 5am the anestesiologist came back in and asked if I wanted the epidural. I took it, I needed the relief. They administered the first dose and I literally passed out from exhaustion.

(After the epidural)

At 6am the resident came back in to check me and give me my third dose of the gel only to find that I was dilated to 7cm!!!! I was so excited! She told me I would should be having the baby by 9am! So she called my doctor and told her to start heading to the hospital. By this time I was starting to feel my contractions again. At around 6:30am I told Jeff I felt like something was coming out...I could feel the baby's head. The pressure was SO STRONG. The resident came back in and check, the baby's head was RIGHT THERE! She told me to lay back and don't push! She called my doctor again and was like "where are you?" Luckily my doctor was headed inside because by 6:45am I was ready to push.
I pressed my epidural button one more time, (little did I know, the medication was already gone), my water broke in a big gush, my doctor came in just in time. We could see the baby's head!!!!





In 4 strong pushes Lily Grace was born!!!!!!!!
6lbs 13.5 oz
19 inches long
at 7:32am
The pain was like nothing I had ever felt before, but believe it or not, PUSHING felt good and once she was OUT, the wave of euphoria, almost made me pass out.
She was beautiful and perfect in every way. I cried. Hard. The emotions flowed from me in a rush.
Lily latched on right away and nursed like a CHAMP. Everything after that is a blur.



It has been three weeks now and I am SO in love with my baby. Breastfeeding is hard sometimes, but so rewarding and Lily is THRIVING! She left the hospital weighing 6 pounds 8oz and at her check up 5 days later, she was 7lbs on the dot!!! I did not and still don't nurse her on a strict schedule, I just feed her when she lets me know she is hungry.
I don't get much sleep at all and I am EXHAUSTED. The first few days I was on a high and was trying to do everything and please everyone...I eventually came crashing down, so now I am taking things slow. Jeff is back at work and it is just me and the baby during the day. I am sleeping in the nursary with her at night so that Jeff can get enough sleep for work. It is hard sleeping away from my husband, but this is only for the time being, soon Lily will get on a schedule and wake up less during the night.

All and all, Jeff and I are happy and Lily is beautiful and healthy.



Cheers,
Kira

A blog for Jeff - My baby Daddy (35wks 2days)

When a woman becomes pregnant...she is already a mother. She has to nourish her body with the right food and nutriants so that the little being inside of her can grow and thrive. She may not be a TRUE mother yet, but she is a mother in the most primative definition of the word. She grows to LOVE this being, she learns it's likes and dislikes and it's habits all before it sees the light of day.

When does a man become a father? When the baby is born? He contributes during conception, but then cruises along for 40 weeks not doing anything. This is not true...at least it is not true in Jeff's case.

Jeff is a father because he takes care of ME. If I am not taken care of, I can't properly take care of our child. He has been an emotional ROCK thoughout this entire pregnancy. Up until his deployment he had been to every ultrasound, doctor's appointment and parenting class. Except ONE doctor's appointment right before he left. He felt TERRIBLE.

I think the night being a father became "REAL" to Jeff was our first ultrasound. In the ER. I was about 6 wks pregnant and I had been puking ALL.DAY.LONG. By 9pm the baby was not even letting me keep down sips of WATER and I began feel faint at the toilet. I was so out of it that I just laid in bed and told Jeff I would be fine, I was just tired. He knew better. He got me out of that bed, DRESSED and drove me to the hospital. He was calm on the outside, but I know he was scared to death. They took me back almost immediately because I was pregnant. While waiting for a room I began slipping in and out of conscienceness...I dont remember a whole lot after we arrived at the hospital, but I remember being SO afraid and so tired. I remember Jeff rubbing my hand and holding back my hair everytime I would try to dry heave into the bag they gave me. I remember him saying he was not going to leave my side under any circumstances and he made sure everyone knew it. He told me later that I kept passing out every 15mins or so. They finally got me into a room and began POUR IV fluids and anti-nausea meds into me. I was SEVERELY dehydrated. I would have lost our baby that night if Jeff had not followed his instincts and took me in. After the fluids took hold I started to come to. The ER doc came in and did an ultrasound Jeff held my hand and I remember us both holding our breath peering at the black screen searching for something...any sign of life. The doctor was moving around so fast, Jeff saw a glimpse of something and was like "WHOA, what was that" but the doctor passed right over it ("that" turned out to be the sac for the twin to this baby...he did not make it, he did not even develope)

Then we saw it....out of all of that darkness that little flashing light. It was our baby's heartbeat. So tiny and bright, flickering. "That's our baby." He said. I of course cried, but Jeff just stared at the screen with a half smile, half "this is CRAZY" look on his face. There was indeed a baby there and he was the father.

Our world CHANGED that night. We were reminded that this little life I am carrying around is VERY precious and we BOTH had to be the best people we could be for this little human. Jeff has always been an AMAZING human being in my eyes, but these days it is AMPLIFIED.

Jeff is going to be an amazing father. I know this without a doubt.

He loves this baby so MUCH. Before he left, he would sing to her, talk to her, rub my belly, watch and feel her little movements. I feel like he really bonded with her. She even moved toward his VOICE and would calm down when he sang to her.

Even though he is far away, he goes ABOVE and beyond to make sure I am ok. He will do almost anything to get to talk to me and he always asks about the baby. ALWAYS. He knows every doctor's appointment and ultrasound and expects a FULL summary of what the doctor said when we are able to talk. Despite his absence he is VERY present.

I don't know when or if Jeff will have time to read this, but I want him to know that I love him SO SO much and I could NOT have survived this pregnancy without him.

I love you babe. Happy Father's Day.

Cheers,

Kira

34 weeks let the countdown begin...

So, we made it 34 weeks. PRAISE GOD! I honestly feel crazy at this point. It is the middle of the summer here in Carolina so you can GUESS how I feel. I am still trying to stay active and still keeping my body and mind busy. Although, the swelling in my feet, ankles and legs has prevented me from doing my usual walks. I have gone from walking everyday, to every other day, to twice a week and now I walk once a week, but sometimes not even that. Anyway...I will make some bullets about this point in the pregnancy.

- I am now at the heaviest I have EVER been in my life. I feel EVERY pound of it. Although, this week I seem to be losing weight, which is strange.

- The baby is now in the head down position. I think I felt when she turned...it was a night of the baby being very restless and me being very uncomfortable. I could be wrong, but I swear I felt it. I definately LOOK like she is sitting VERY low and sometimes I feel her head on my bladder. Interesting feeling I can tell you that much.

- Emotionally, I am a roller coaster. Sometimes, the things people say REALLY get to me and what people think of me really gets to me. I know that I should not worry about what people say. Jeff tells me this TIME AND TIME AGAIN, but what I don't think he or anyone else understands is that the way people treat me and what they think about me will be projected to the baby. I am her example as a woman and if she sees people treating me as if I am dumb or with little respect, what kind of example am I for her? I also hate being patonized...it just gets under my skin. I think it is because I can spot it a mile away...I am ALSO hella paranoid about what people are saying about me behind my back. I NEVER cared about this before, because I always felt that who I am in person would IMMEDIATELY squash anything negative someone has said about me, but right now, it is REALLY affecting me and I almost feel like I can feel them whispering....I feel crazy. I really do.

- Jeff is still away, but only 3 more weeks until he is home. I CANNOT WAIT. I feel like he has missed SO MUCH, but in reality he has been here for a GREAT chunk of the pregnancy. My doctor always tells me that he is one of the most involved husbands she has encountered in a long time. Up until he left, he had only missed ONE doctor's appointment!!! I would say he is PRETTY involved. He STILL is. He always asks about the baby and goes ABOVE and beyond to make sure I am comfortable and have everything I need, even though he is so far away. He is an amazing husband and REALLY stepped up his game to be a daddy.

- Jeff got me a new front loading washer and dryer! It is a Samsung. I like it. At first I was put off by it as there was a BIG learning curve, but it washes the clothes like a dream. My only complaints are, it does not wash out fabric softener very well because is uses such little water, I have been using vinegar to soften my clothes...it is more natural and disinfects the clothes anyway. The dryer is LOUD! Well...it is louder then my old dryer. :-D It also takes a LONG time to do a load of laundry because it is high efficiancy so it uses less motion and less water...which equals SLOW.

- I still don't have any crazy cravings, but I do eat LOTS of fruits and veggies...I LOATHE cooking right now just because it is so hot, so I eat lots of wraps, fruit
salads and regular salads.

- The baby moves in SUCH a different way now. I can see her little elbows and knees..sometimes her feet will poke out. It is wild. She also moves around a lot less sporatically...but when she moves it is for LONG periods of time and usually in SO MANY different ways. Its not unusual for me to be laying down for a hour and she is in constant movement for that full hour.

-She loves music. I can put speakers to my belly and she trys her BEST to move as close to them as possible. I know it is frustrating for her though because she is so stinkin' BIG she cant move too much. LOL. Soft music calms her down A LOT. I am going to use it when she is born as it seems very affective NOW.

- At 32 weeks, she was measuring "small" according to the old school tape measure in the doctor's office so the doc scheduled an ultrasound...turns out she just seems like she is small because of how LONG my torso is and how curled up she is. She is actually in the 46 percentile in weight and the 60th percentile in length...well her legs anyway. So she is a long, skinny little chick...with BIG chubby cheeks, her mother's nose,beautiful, pouty lips, he father's feet and ears, and what looks like a little bit of fluffy hair....

- My heartburn is AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!! She had better come out with LOTS of hair. LOL.

- I am excited about meeting our baby girl and so is Jeff...I predict it will be VERY emotional for the both of us.

- I am glad our delivery experience is going to be very private for us. I have spoken with my doctor and it is going to be Me, Jeff, a birth coach, the doctor and two nurses in the room. That is it. You all have NO IDEA how much this calms my nerves.

Cheers,
Kira

29wks and 5 days

So lately I have been having trouble getting to sleep and then waking up really early in the morning and being up for the day. Now that it is officially hot outside I can barely get comfortable. Between the baby moving, my constant trips to the bathroom, my aching back, the HEAT, and my overall fatness, it is IMPOSSIBLE to get an undisturbed, comfortable, nights rest. Throw in some nasal congestion from sleeping directly under the fan and we have ourselves a VERY grumpy prenant woman by 5am, which is when I wake up for the day and i am usually STARVING like a ship wreck survivor on day 28 on the island! It is SO STRANGE.
It is late right now...like 2am and I can't sleep so I am going to leave you with some bullets about life right now.

-I sleep WITHOUT covers at this point. Under the ceiling fan, with a box fan blowing directly on me from across the room. I have also turned our thermostat from our normal 79 degrees in the summer to 77. I am MELTING, but refuse to have a high light bill.
- i wake up STARVING despite having a snack before bed.
- I get frustrated SO easy during the day when i am trying to do things around the house or just out and about. I HATE being out of breath, I HATE having to stop and rest, I HATE having to walk a little slower. UGH! I can't stand it...but everytime i try to do things at my old pace, I end up sweating too much, getting overtired and breathing like a grizzly bear.
- My baby shower is this saturday. Yay. I have already started to receive some REALLY nice gifts from folks that I did not expect AT ALL. My worry that I will not have everything I am going to need when the baby gets here is fading away everyday.
- I miss Jeff SO SO much, but I am blessed that I get to talk to him almost daily. If I did not get to talk to him everyday...I think i would rot or fade away in this house.
-The baby will be here in less then 12 weeks. WOW!
- Still no official name for this kid...oh well. LOL.
- Today she was SUPER restless and was kicking and moving and just seemed in distress...so I turned some music on my computer and put the speaker close to my belly...she calmed right now. It was perfect. I was able to catch a 45 minute nap then.
-I wonder what is going on in the babies environment that makes her so crazy sometimes...

Cheers,
kira

2 days shy of 29 weeks

This pregnancy is FLYING BY!!! Although, some days I feel like I have been pregnant FOREVER. I am having trouble organizing my thoughts so I am going to create some bullets to update you guys.
-Jeff is deployed. Yep. Shocked me too. We were given a weeks notice that he would be leaving for 2 and a half months. He will be home July 2. I am due July 22. I pray this baby will not be impatient.
-I am not coping well. I don't want to go into detail, but it has been REALLY rough. This is NOT normal for me. Usually, I handle Jeff's absence REALLY well, but right now my hormones won't let me. I am getting better and better each day though....
-Still no name for the ChickPea...I guess she will have to come out and tell us what her name is. :-) Even if we did have a name, we would keep it a secret until her birth...just so that folks won't discourage our name choice. We are weird like that.
- I am SOOOOO ready for water aerobics to start.
- I have not done yoga in a month. I have trouble breathing...
- The little Chick Pea is healthy and thriving. Her growth has slowed down a bit, but that is because she grew SO FAST in the beginning....she was bound to level out at some point...
- I am completely healthy. This is a blessing.
- I am SO STRESSED about maybe not having everything we need for the baby.
- I keep telling myself that babies don't need MUCH to survive and thrive...but in the back of my head, I DON'T want things to be a strain in the beginning...
- I still feel very alone.
- I talk to my baby all day. Most people would think I was a lunatic because I just talk to her all day...
- I think she likes it when I sing and she likes it when I take long hot baths.
- Dairy still makes me sick. Unless it is cheese. Weird right?
- Everyday I am more and more excited about meeting this new human being...I love her so much already.

Cheers,
Kira