Mom - Month One

So, I have been a Mama for a month now and I have a few things to say about what has been going on. You know how I do things... random BULLET STYLE! LOL.

- After the first two weeks, I came down from cloud 9 and reality hit. I am home all day with a baby and I have little to no other human contact.

- Lily has reflux...some days it is mild, some days it is SEVERE. On the days it is severe, I am literally in the house in just my underwear because otherwise I would be changing clothes every hour. I am COVERED in barf on those days. She is on medication now.

- The only thing that has prevented me from having severe postpartem depression is getting out of bed everyday, getting a shower and putting REAL clothes on. That tiny slice of normalicy has saved my sanity.

-It is hard to make anyone understand what it is like being home with the baby all day. Especially, Jeff. He gets home from work and needs 45 mins to just wind down....but when he gets home from work *I* need that adult interaction and I am usually just a flood of useless chatter...I mean really, my day consist of shit and barf...not very riveting, yet I am such an IDIOT I feel compelled to talk about it..because it is the only thing I HAVE to talk about these days. I usually just end up irritating him with my mundane chatter and ruining the evening. I don't. know. How. to fix. This....

-When you are home all day with a crying baby, you don't have the patience in the evening to hear her cry MORE while someone else is learning to soothe her. 12 times out of 20, I know exactly what is wrong with her and can get her to stop crying immediately. This of course is a problem. But to be brutally honest, it is not giving mommy a break if the baby is sitting there crying. It is now second nature for me to want to soothe the baby...

- When the baby cries, I leak breastmilk. I am wet all. day. long. Breastpads are pretty much useless.

- I have a MASSIVE over supply of milk. This is a blessing and a curse.

- I hold the baby. A LOT. This is a problem. To everyone, except me. I think one has to understand that I carried her in my BODY for 9 mos...I KNEW she was ok, I KNEW she was alive. Now that she is out, it is hard for me to let her go.

- My "Mama Bear" instinct is STRONG. It arrived about week 1. NEVER have I felt so protective over ANYTHING in my life. I am literally on EDGE when other folks are holding her.

- I joined a Mommy and Me class. It's pretty corny, but it gets me and Lily out of the house and I can interact with other moms...With that being said, I have very little in common with the other moms in the class.

- I have lost a good amount of baby weight. I attribute it to three things: Breastfeeding, forgetting to eat most days and staying active. With that being said, I have 15-20lb to lose until I feel comfortable with my body again. It has completely changed shape..

- Lily lost all of her newborn hair. I was pretty sad, but she is still SOO beautiful. :-)

-She has green/brown eyes. I adore looking into them.

- Lily has a smile that melts my heart and she does it often.

- She gets lots of attention when we are out and about because she is so TINY!

- I love being Lily's mother.

- I am still waiting for life to balance itself out though.....

Cheers,
Kira