When a woman becomes pregnant...she is already a mother. She has to nourish her body with the right food and nutriants so that the little being inside of her can grow and thrive. She may not be a TRUE mother yet, but she is a mother in the most primative definition of the word. She grows to LOVE this being, she learns it's likes and dislikes and it's habits all before it sees the light of day.
When does a man become a father? When the baby is born? He contributes during conception, but then cruises along for 40 weeks not doing anything. This is not true...at least it is not true in Jeff's case.
Jeff is a father because he takes care of ME. If I am not taken care of, I can't properly take care of our child. He has been an emotional ROCK thoughout this entire pregnancy. Up until his deployment he had been to every ultrasound, doctor's appointment and parenting class. Except ONE doctor's appointment right before he left. He felt TERRIBLE.
I think the night being a father became "REAL" to Jeff was our first ultrasound. In the ER. I was about 6 wks pregnant and I had been puking ALL.DAY.LONG. By 9pm the baby was not even letting me keep down sips of WATER and I began feel faint at the toilet. I was so out of it that I just laid in bed and told Jeff I would be fine, I was just tired. He knew better. He got me out of that bed, DRESSED and drove me to the hospital. He was calm on the outside, but I know he was scared to death. They took me back almost immediately because I was pregnant. While waiting for a room I began slipping in and out of conscienceness...I dont remember a whole lot after we arrived at the hospital, but I remember being SO afraid and so tired. I remember Jeff rubbing my hand and holding back my hair everytime I would try to dry heave into the bag they gave me. I remember him saying he was not going to leave my side under any circumstances and he made sure everyone knew it. He told me later that I kept passing out every 15mins or so. They finally got me into a room and began POUR IV fluids and anti-nausea meds into me. I was SEVERELY dehydrated. I would have lost our baby that night if Jeff had not followed his instincts and took me in. After the fluids took hold I started to come to. The ER doc came in and did an ultrasound Jeff held my hand and I remember us both holding our breath peering at the black screen searching for something...any sign of life. The doctor was moving around so fast, Jeff saw a glimpse of something and was like "WHOA, what was that" but the doctor passed right over it ("that" turned out to be the sac for the twin to this baby...he did not make it, he did not even develope)
Then we saw it....out of all of that darkness that little flashing light. It was our baby's heartbeat. So tiny and bright, flickering. "That's our baby." He said. I of course cried, but Jeff just stared at the screen with a half smile, half "this is CRAZY" look on his face. There was indeed a baby there and he was the father.
Our world CHANGED that night. We were reminded that this little life I am carrying around is VERY precious and we BOTH had to be the best people we could be for this little human. Jeff has always been an AMAZING human being in my eyes, but these days it is AMPLIFIED.
Jeff is going to be an amazing father. I know this without a doubt.
He loves this baby so MUCH. Before he left, he would sing to her, talk to her, rub my belly, watch and feel her little movements. I feel like he really bonded with her. She even moved toward his VOICE and would calm down when he sang to her.
Even though he is far away, he goes ABOVE and beyond to make sure I am ok. He will do almost anything to get to talk to me and he always asks about the baby. ALWAYS. He knows every doctor's appointment and ultrasound and expects a FULL summary of what the doctor said when we are able to talk. Despite his absence he is VERY present.
I don't know when or if Jeff will have time to read this, but I want him to know that I love him SO SO much and I could NOT have survived this pregnancy without him.
I love you babe. Happy Father's Day.
Cheers,
Kira
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