When a woman becomes pregnant...she is already a mother. She has to nourish her body with the right food and nutriants so that the little being inside of her can grow and thrive. She may not be a TRUE mother yet, but she is a mother in the most primative definition of the word. She grows to LOVE this being, she learns it's likes and dislikes and it's habits all before it sees the light of day.
When does a man become a father? When the baby is born? He contributes during conception, but then cruises along for 40 weeks not doing anything. This is not true...at least it is not true in Jeff's case.
Jeff is a father because he takes care of ME. If I am not taken care of, I can't properly take care of our child. He has been an emotional ROCK thoughout this entire pregnancy. Up until his deployment he had been to every ultrasound, doctor's appointment and parenting class. Except ONE doctor's appointment right before he left. He felt TERRIBLE.
I think the night being a father became "REAL" to Jeff was our first ultrasound. In the ER. I was about 6 wks pregnant and I had been puking ALL.DAY.LONG. By 9pm the baby was not even letting me keep down sips of WATER and I began feel faint at the toilet. I was so out of it that I just laid in bed and told Jeff I would be fine, I was just tired. He knew better. He got me out of that bed, DRESSED and drove me to the hospital. He was calm on the outside, but I know he was scared to death. They took me back almost immediately because I was pregnant. While waiting for a room I began slipping in and out of conscienceness...I dont remember a whole lot after we arrived at the hospital, but I remember being SO afraid and so tired. I remember Jeff rubbing my hand and holding back my hair everytime I would try to dry heave into the bag they gave me. I remember him saying he was not going to leave my side under any circumstances and he made sure everyone knew it. He told me later that I kept passing out every 15mins or so. They finally got me into a room and began POUR IV fluids and anti-nausea meds into me. I was SEVERELY dehydrated. I would have lost our baby that night if Jeff had not followed his instincts and took me in. After the fluids took hold I started to come to. The ER doc came in and did an ultrasound Jeff held my hand and I remember us both holding our breath peering at the black screen searching for something...any sign of life. The doctor was moving around so fast, Jeff saw a glimpse of something and was like "WHOA, what was that" but the doctor passed right over it ("that" turned out to be the sac for the twin to this baby...he did not make it, he did not even develope)
Then we saw it....out of all of that darkness that little flashing light. It was our baby's heartbeat. So tiny and bright, flickering. "That's our baby." He said. I of course cried, but Jeff just stared at the screen with a half smile, half "this is CRAZY" look on his face. There was indeed a baby there and he was the father.
Our world CHANGED that night. We were reminded that this little life I am carrying around is VERY precious and we BOTH had to be the best people we could be for this little human. Jeff has always been an AMAZING human being in my eyes, but these days it is AMPLIFIED.
Jeff is going to be an amazing father. I know this without a doubt.
He loves this baby so MUCH. Before he left, he would sing to her, talk to her, rub my belly, watch and feel her little movements. I feel like he really bonded with her. She even moved toward his VOICE and would calm down when he sang to her.
Even though he is far away, he goes ABOVE and beyond to make sure I am ok. He will do almost anything to get to talk to me and he always asks about the baby. ALWAYS. He knows every doctor's appointment and ultrasound and expects a FULL summary of what the doctor said when we are able to talk. Despite his absence he is VERY present.
I don't know when or if Jeff will have time to read this, but I want him to know that I love him SO SO much and I could NOT have survived this pregnancy without him.
I love you babe. Happy Father's Day.
Cheers,
Kira
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
34 weeks let the countdown begin...
So, we made it 34 weeks. PRAISE GOD! I honestly feel crazy at this point. It is the middle of the summer here in Carolina so you can GUESS how I feel. I am still trying to stay active and still keeping my body and mind busy. Although, the swelling in my feet, ankles and legs has prevented me from doing my usual walks. I have gone from walking everyday, to every other day, to twice a week and now I walk once a week, but sometimes not even that. Anyway...I will make some bullets about this point in the pregnancy.
- I am now at the heaviest I have EVER been in my life. I feel EVERY pound of it. Although, this week I seem to be losing weight, which is strange.
- The baby is now in the head down position. I think I felt when she turned...it was a night of the baby being very restless and me being very uncomfortable. I could be wrong, but I swear I felt it. I definately LOOK like she is sitting VERY low and sometimes I feel her head on my bladder. Interesting feeling I can tell you that much.
- Emotionally, I am a roller coaster. Sometimes, the things people say REALLY get to me and what people think of me really gets to me. I know that I should not worry about what people say. Jeff tells me this TIME AND TIME AGAIN, but what I don't think he or anyone else understands is that the way people treat me and what they think about me will be projected to the baby. I am her example as a woman and if she sees people treating me as if I am dumb or with little respect, what kind of example am I for her? I also hate being patonized...it just gets under my skin. I think it is because I can spot it a mile away...I am ALSO hella paranoid about what people are saying about me behind my back. I NEVER cared about this before, because I always felt that who I am in person would IMMEDIATELY squash anything negative someone has said about me, but right now, it is REALLY affecting me and I almost feel like I can feel them whispering....I feel crazy. I really do.
- Jeff is still away, but only 3 more weeks until he is home. I CANNOT WAIT. I feel like he has missed SO MUCH, but in reality he has been here for a GREAT chunk of the pregnancy. My doctor always tells me that he is one of the most involved husbands she has encountered in a long time. Up until he left, he had only missed ONE doctor's appointment!!! I would say he is PRETTY involved. He STILL is. He always asks about the baby and goes ABOVE and beyond to make sure I am comfortable and have everything I need, even though he is so far away. He is an amazing husband and REALLY stepped up his game to be a daddy.
- Jeff got me a new front loading washer and dryer! It is a Samsung. I like it. At first I was put off by it as there was a BIG learning curve, but it washes the clothes like a dream. My only complaints are, it does not wash out fabric softener very well because is uses such little water, I have been using vinegar to soften my clothes...it is more natural and disinfects the clothes anyway. The dryer is LOUD! Well...it is louder then my old dryer. :-D It also takes a LONG time to do a load of laundry because it is high efficiancy so it uses less motion and less water...which equals SLOW.
- I still don't have any crazy cravings, but I do eat LOTS of fruits and veggies...I LOATHE cooking right now just because it is so hot, so I eat lots of wraps, fruit
salads and regular salads.
- The baby moves in SUCH a different way now. I can see her little elbows and knees..sometimes her feet will poke out. It is wild. She also moves around a lot less sporatically...but when she moves it is for LONG periods of time and usually in SO MANY different ways. Its not unusual for me to be laying down for a hour and she is in constant movement for that full hour.
-She loves music. I can put speakers to my belly and she trys her BEST to move as close to them as possible. I know it is frustrating for her though because she is so stinkin' BIG she cant move too much. LOL. Soft music calms her down A LOT. I am going to use it when she is born as it seems very affective NOW.
- At 32 weeks, she was measuring "small" according to the old school tape measure in the doctor's office so the doc scheduled an ultrasound...turns out she just seems like she is small because of how LONG my torso is and how curled up she is. She is actually in the 46 percentile in weight and the 60th percentile in length...well her legs anyway. So she is a long, skinny little chick...with BIG chubby cheeks, her mother's nose,beautiful, pouty lips, he father's feet and ears, and what looks like a little bit of fluffy hair....
- My heartburn is AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!! She had better come out with LOTS of hair. LOL.
- I am excited about meeting our baby girl and so is Jeff...I predict it will be VERY emotional for the both of us.
- I am glad our delivery experience is going to be very private for us. I have spoken with my doctor and it is going to be Me, Jeff, a birth coach, the doctor and two nurses in the room. That is it. You all have NO IDEA how much this calms my nerves.
Cheers,
Kira
- I am now at the heaviest I have EVER been in my life. I feel EVERY pound of it. Although, this week I seem to be losing weight, which is strange.
- The baby is now in the head down position. I think I felt when she turned...it was a night of the baby being very restless and me being very uncomfortable. I could be wrong, but I swear I felt it. I definately LOOK like she is sitting VERY low and sometimes I feel her head on my bladder. Interesting feeling I can tell you that much.
- Emotionally, I am a roller coaster. Sometimes, the things people say REALLY get to me and what people think of me really gets to me. I know that I should not worry about what people say. Jeff tells me this TIME AND TIME AGAIN, but what I don't think he or anyone else understands is that the way people treat me and what they think about me will be projected to the baby. I am her example as a woman and if she sees people treating me as if I am dumb or with little respect, what kind of example am I for her? I also hate being patonized...it just gets under my skin. I think it is because I can spot it a mile away...I am ALSO hella paranoid about what people are saying about me behind my back. I NEVER cared about this before, because I always felt that who I am in person would IMMEDIATELY squash anything negative someone has said about me, but right now, it is REALLY affecting me and I almost feel like I can feel them whispering....I feel crazy. I really do.
- Jeff is still away, but only 3 more weeks until he is home. I CANNOT WAIT. I feel like he has missed SO MUCH, but in reality he has been here for a GREAT chunk of the pregnancy. My doctor always tells me that he is one of the most involved husbands she has encountered in a long time. Up until he left, he had only missed ONE doctor's appointment!!! I would say he is PRETTY involved. He STILL is. He always asks about the baby and goes ABOVE and beyond to make sure I am comfortable and have everything I need, even though he is so far away. He is an amazing husband and REALLY stepped up his game to be a daddy.
- Jeff got me a new front loading washer and dryer! It is a Samsung. I like it. At first I was put off by it as there was a BIG learning curve, but it washes the clothes like a dream. My only complaints are, it does not wash out fabric softener very well because is uses such little water, I have been using vinegar to soften my clothes...it is more natural and disinfects the clothes anyway. The dryer is LOUD! Well...it is louder then my old dryer. :-D It also takes a LONG time to do a load of laundry because it is high efficiancy so it uses less motion and less water...which equals SLOW.
- I still don't have any crazy cravings, but I do eat LOTS of fruits and veggies...I LOATHE cooking right now just because it is so hot, so I eat lots of wraps, fruit
salads and regular salads.
- The baby moves in SUCH a different way now. I can see her little elbows and knees..sometimes her feet will poke out. It is wild. She also moves around a lot less sporatically...but when she moves it is for LONG periods of time and usually in SO MANY different ways. Its not unusual for me to be laying down for a hour and she is in constant movement for that full hour.
-She loves music. I can put speakers to my belly and she trys her BEST to move as close to them as possible. I know it is frustrating for her though because she is so stinkin' BIG she cant move too much. LOL. Soft music calms her down A LOT. I am going to use it when she is born as it seems very affective NOW.
- At 32 weeks, she was measuring "small" according to the old school tape measure in the doctor's office so the doc scheduled an ultrasound...turns out she just seems like she is small because of how LONG my torso is and how curled up she is. She is actually in the 46 percentile in weight and the 60th percentile in length...well her legs anyway. So she is a long, skinny little chick...with BIG chubby cheeks, her mother's nose,beautiful, pouty lips, he father's feet and ears, and what looks like a little bit of fluffy hair....
- My heartburn is AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!! She had better come out with LOTS of hair. LOL.
- I am excited about meeting our baby girl and so is Jeff...I predict it will be VERY emotional for the both of us.
- I am glad our delivery experience is going to be very private for us. I have spoken with my doctor and it is going to be Me, Jeff, a birth coach, the doctor and two nurses in the room. That is it. You all have NO IDEA how much this calms my nerves.
Cheers,
Kira
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)